A little over two years ago, an otherwise logical man came to a very illogical conclusion that I was wife-material. He proposed on Christmas Day with a karat and a carrot (seriously). Like any normal woman, the carrot won me over and I said yes.

Knowing that it was a matter of time before he came to his senses, I insisted on a short engagement. Since we were making a minor move from Pittsburgh to Forks in two months, I suggested stopping at Reno along the way.

Luckily, he went along with this plan. He also went along with my plan to write our own vows.

As it turns out, writing your own vows is easier said than done. Extremely creative lines were coming to mind such as “till death do us part,” but nothing seemed quite right. I put them on the back burner, telling myself that I had plenty of time.

Before I knew it though, we were on our way to Forks and I only had three days left to write the most important piece in my life. Thankfully, I had miles and miles and miles (and miles and miles and miles) of endless fields filled with cows to inspire me. Nothing says wedding vow inspiration like smelly bovine.

Weirdly enough the cows didn’t give me any material. Soon we were pulling into Reno.

I had a mere 18ish hours left. Most people would start to panic. Instead I went to sleep with the absolute certainty that something brilliant would come to me overnight. I would wake up and the words would effortlessly flow thanks to my dreams.

I dreamt that I was marrying two cows. Go figure. I got out of bed and said to myself, “Eight hours left Christy! Pull yourself together!”

We got to the altar and Jim told the officiating person that we would say our own vows. He went first. His were the perfect combination of humor and Hallmark Card. When it was my turn, I said to the officiating person, “I’ve got nothing. I’m going to need yours.” At this point, Jim should have gone ‘Runaway Bride’ on me, but he didn’t. As they say, good things come to those who wait. I have finally finished my vows. Without further ado:

“My dearest Jim, clearly you realize by now that I am not wife-ish. For whatever reason you stay. This makes me question your judgment a bit, but you are very visually appealing so I’m going to overlook it.

Also, you are absolutely perfect for me. I am reminded daily how blessed I am that you came into my life. Today and forever, I vow to love and honor you. About that obey part, it’s not going to happen. I’m just being honest here. Honesty is important in a marriage. I love you very much. Happy anniversary!”

P.S. This is your anniversary present.

Need a wedding speech written? E-mail me two years in advance at christyrasmussen@yahoo.com.