A reader e-mailed me a while ago and said, “If you know why the “F” on the new RAC looks out of proportion to the other letters spelling “Forks,” maybe you could enlighten us?” I had no other choice but to look into this considering that I am sometimes wrongly accused of being a serious journalist.

My first step in the investigation was to do a drive-by. I drove around the building creeperishly slow. Yes, I was missing the creeper van, but if I could have gotten my hands on one, I would have used it … just for dramatic effect.

Anyway, once I saw the “F” for myself, I realized that there was definitely something fishy going on here. Not good fishy like fresh halibut, but more like week old salmon forgotten in the back of a truck. Yes, it was THAT fishy to think that the people in charge of this hadn’t noticed the “F” being weirdly small. If they did notice, why didn’t they fix it? I was about to find out.

I interviewed the usual suspects. I heard a lot of, “We are not authorized to talk to you about this.” and “Make up your own story like you usually do.” I was clearly being stonewalled. People were willing to go great lengths to keep this a secret. A serious journalist is never deterred by this kind of thing. I wouldn’t be either. I resolved to keep digging.

I started questioning people more discretely. Citizens are often afraid of talking to journalists, especially ones who twist words and change facts. So instead of admitting to my investigation, I would say to acquaintances at the store, “So, how about that “F” on the RAC? What’s up with that?” You’d be surprised at how much gossip you can get this way. Actually, if you’ve lived in Forks long, you probably won’t be surprised at all.

After much speculation of the oddly sized “F” being the fault of Congress, the work of aliens, and even the occasional global warming theory, it turns out that there was a much simpler explanation. Apparently there wasn’t enough room in the budget for a normal-sized “F”.

Unbeknownst to most, “F” is a highly sought after letter in the letter industry. As is always the case with greedy corporations, the high demand means raised prices. This unknown price difference was not budgeted for in the original building plans. Once the builders became aware of the added expense, their only choice was to either leave off the “S” (meaning the building would say FORK) or to get a smaller “F”. Obviously the entire town of Forks would notice a missing “S”, but only eagle-eyed citizens would notice a smaller “F” … or so they thought. Once this column comes out, the truth will be known. That’s my job. It’s what I do. Kind of.

For questions, comments or to donate your creeper van to my cause, e-mail me at christyrasmussen@yahoo.com.