By Christy Rasmussen-Ford

No one ever won an election by saying, “My competitor would make a GREAT choice. He’s a nice guy, great with money, has morals, etc. You should vote for me anyway though!”

The general public would be terribly confused by this.

Instead, at election time, we get to hear about the affairs in middle school, mismanagement of allowance at an early age, inhaling vs. not inhaling helium at birthday parties and who didn’t raise their hand before speaking in third grade.

You know, the juicy stuff.

And then they kiss babies with those dirty mouths!

In Forks we are not above political bashing.

As I said, it’s necessary to win an election. However, it’s harder here.

You can’t exactly dig up dirt on people. The entire town knows everyone’s business from birth to date.

If I were to run for office, my political competitor would say, “Christy got caught saying the f-word in eighth grade, skipped school a lot, frequented pit parties in her late teens, got two speeding tickets, has less than stellar credit and got pulled over for not wearing her seatbelt once … but only got a warning!”

Then, the citizens of Forks would say, “Boo!! That’s old news! Give us something new!!!”

It’s tough to be a politician here.

That’s why our political hopefuls say things like, “Being in the black (budget-wise) isn’t everything it’s cut out to be.”

It is, but that is not the point.

The point is that it’s tough to throw together a respectable smear campaign here with everyone already knowing the juicy stuff already.

There is nothing to work with.

Unless your competitor runs a yellow light mid-campaign, you really have to get creative with political bashing in Forks.

For example, you have to claim things like that good budgeting is bad. You just don’t have anything else that will shock community members.

Personally, if I were running for office, I would have claimed that my competitor had overdue library books and/or fines.

That is the way to win an election!

I have a degree in political science so I know what I‘m talking about on this one. Campaigning 101 clearly states that NO ONE respects a politician who is an irresponsible library patron.

It’s political suicide.

Having a budget in the black, that’s a good thing.

Trust me, I’m a political advisor or I pretend to be one in my column anyway.

I’m Christy Rasmussen-Ford and I approve this message.