I was talking with the chief of police a few weeks ago, and I mentioned that I had never seen the inside of the Forks Jail. I was quick to add that this was simply due to luck in my teenage years. I was a foolish teenager who thought she was 10 feet tall and bullet proof.

As it turns out, I’m only 5 feet tall and fairly certain that a bullet would pass through any part of my body, though I haven’t officially tested that theory yet. For all I know, I could be bullet proof. Probably not, though.

Even considering that I was no angel back then, it was still quite shocking to wake up in the back of a police car with handcuffs on one morning when I was 17.

One of Forks’ finest walked over to me and informed me that I was getting arrested for a DUI at 7:30 a.m. Though I was pretty certain that I had stayed sober the night before, my truck was in the ditch and I couldn’t remember anything so the evidence was overwhelmingly NOT in my favor.

To conceal his identity, out of respect, we shall refer to this former Forks police officer as Dom Scott. Dom was not a friendly man that morning. I imagine he was pretty disgusted with a 17-year-old drunk driver. I was disgusted with myself. Only alcoholics drink that early. Then I realized that I had urinated myself. Though this is not uncommon for very intoxicated people, I also noticed that I had practically bitten off my tongue. Ah ha! I wasn’t drunk. I had a seizure!

I tried to explain to Dom that I had epilepsy and hadn’t had one for a few years, but I was pretty sure that I had one that morning. Pointing out the fact that you peed your pants as proof of a seizure is very humbling by the way. Mentioning this in a column that a million people (give or take) read is also humbling, but a necessary part of the story.

Dom didn’t believe me at first. Immediately following a seizure, people often act like drunks. No hard feelings about the confusion. He eventually freed me, but unfortunately, Dom did write me a hefty ticket for the incidence. That ticket alone was probably the reason Forks has a balanced budget. It was a “Driving with wheels off the roadway” citation.

Dom liked to hand out tickets. Actually, I think we can all agree that Dom liked just using his badge whenever possible….even if you weren’t breaking the law.

The point of this all is to inform everyone that when you have a seizure, heart attack, stroke, etc., you are still expected to keep your wheels on the roadway. Though really only if Dom Scott is working in your town, which he is not in Forks anymore. I think the current police department has a bit more common sense.

I also like to praise them a lot, just in case it’s needed eventually. I never know when I might wake up handcuffed in the back of a police car again.